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Fine-Tuning Families

Adding more harmony to the parent-child relationship

Lisa Huisman Koops

As a mother of four, Lisa Huisman Koops is well-versed in the joys and angst of parenting. And she's discovered that adding music to the mix can make the good times even better—and the tough times not as bad.

"I discovered things went so much more smoothly [during the morning routine] if I sang, 'let's get in the van,' instead of shouting 'get in the van!'" she said.

Koops, PhD, shares this tip—and other ways to incorporate music into family life—in her new book, A Family Guide to Parenting Musically (Oxford University Press). As a professor of music education at Case Western Reserve University, she's spent years studying the effects of music on family dynamics.

"We know music is good for the brain and the body," she said. "For parents, it can provide tiny moments of stress relief, so you arrive at the end of the day with more energy and in a better mood." It can also be a conduit to family bonding, she said.

Koops first became interested in the topic while teaching at The Music Settlement in Cleveland. That led to her first book, Parenting Musically.

An image of the cover of the book, A Family Guide to Parenting Musically by Lisa Huisman Koops. The cover shows yellow circles and three birds on the neck of a guitar and three musical notes.

She found that many parents naturally integrate music into their lives early, whether by chanting nursery rhymes as they change diapers or singing at bedtime. She describes these rituals as "parenting musically," with the music fostering interaction between parent and child. That's different from "musical parenting," she said, which focuses on developing musical skills in children (think lessons and practice).

Koops uses both approaches with her four children, ages 9 to 18. But she stresses that you don't need musical talent to parent musically. "Choose the way you feel comfortable being musical," she said. "It could be humming, chanting, whistling, rapping, singing or listening to music. Then pick a scenario where you feel stressed out as a parent and put them together."

On her podcast, Parenting Musically, Koops has interviewed musicians, including Ziggy Marley and Rosanne Cash, as well as parents of musicians, such as Maggie Baird, mother of singer Billie Eilish and songwriter and record producer Finneas O'Connell.

Baird shared that, although she and her husband are both musicians, they never pushed their children to take music lessons, instead letting their interests develop naturally.

"I've learned so much from the podcast," Koops said. "It's not about having a Grammy Award-winning child. It's about weaving in music throughout the day."

A PARENTING PLAYLIST

Music can create memorable family moments—or redeem those otherwise best forgotten. The following songs are by artists who have been guests on Lisa Koops' Parenting Musically podcast or whose parents have been guests.

"Remember," Koops said, "choosing songs meaningful to your family is most important. There's no 'one way' to be a musical family."