By Tyler Reimschisel, MD
Last fall in this Tips for High-Impact Teamwork series, we discussed emotional regulation during teamwork. That topic certainly seemed very timely to me, and I hope the content we explored in those articles was helpful as you strove to become a better team member and leader.
In the series this spring, I would like to discuss another topic that I think is equally important and timely. My plan over the next several months is to explore the topic of listening and how improving our listening mindset, heartset and skills can foster better communication and collaboration among our co-workers, colleagues, team members, friends and family.
In the upcoming articles, I will review several books that I have found to be helpful as I work on my listening capabilities. These will include Listening Well by William Miller (one of the founders of motivational interviewing), How to Know a Person by David Brooks, and Rapport by Emily Alison and Laurence Alison. We will also learn about listening intelligence and the four listening styles or habits that comprise the Effective Communication for Healthy Organizations (ECHO) Listening Model. Our preferred listening styles can be assessed and summarized in the ECHO Listening Profile. I will discuss how this profile can be used to improve teamwork during teambuilding or team coaching experiences.
As a teamwork consultant and coach, I am frequently asked to teach about or provide guidance on improving communication skills. I have found that individuals almost always consider effective communication to be equivalent to speaking and writing well. They almost never consider how effective communication also needs to involve excellent listening capabilities.
Yet, I think we could markedly improve how well we communicate by talking less and listening better! Instead of focusing on how well we present our viewpoints or how effectively we frame our argument, I believe we should primarily work on how we show up for our co-workers, colleagues and friends as they are sharing their perspectives or viewpoints with us.
Are we fully present with them? Are we listening to the meaning behind their words? Are we aware of their nonverbal and paraverbal communications and how they are influencing us at least as much as their spoken words? Are we genuinely curious and asking questions to understand?
Unfortunately, I doubt that most of us listen as well as we should. Instead, as Stephen Covey observed, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply.” (Covey, 2004). As we will discuss later this spring, if we are listening to respond, then we are not listening as well as we could.
In this series, I have frequently mentioned the illusions that our brains can inadvertently deceive us with and how those deceptions can impact our interpersonal interactions and teamwork. For example, I have discussed the illusion of insight, naïve realism and our egocentric biases like the “I’m not biased” bias. Similarly, there is also an illusion of communication that Whyte eloquently described back in 1950.
The great enemy of communication, we find, is the illusion of it. We have talked enough; but we have not listened. And by not listening we have failed to concede the immense complexity of our society – and thus the great gaps between ourselves and those with whom we seek understanding (Whyte, 1950).
In our communications with others, in our teamwork, and, dare I say, in our society today, we are not going to understand ourselves and others better by simply continuing to jabber faster, louder or more emphatically. If we really want to improve our team communications, the depth of our interpersonal relationships and our understanding of the perspective of others, I believe we need to learn how to be just as “aggressive” and intentional with our listening as we are with our speaking, emailing and posting on social media. This is certainly hard, yet crucial, work if we are truly invested in improving our communication capabilities.
In this series last fall, I referred to emotional regulation as a teamwork superpower. From my experience working on teams, leading teams and engaging with teams as a team coach, I think effective listening can be another teamwork superpower. Those who listen deeply, intently and compassionately can be positively impactful as friends, colleagues and team leaders. I hope the upcoming articles in this series will provide insights, concepts and practical skills that can help you develop your listening superpower. I am looking forward to taking this learning journey with you over the next several months.
References:
Alison E and Alison L. Rapport: The Four Ways to Read People. Vermilion, 2020.
Brooks D. How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. Penguin Random House, LLC, 2023.
Covey S. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Free Press, 2004.
Miller WR. Listening Well: The Art of Empathic Understanding. WIPF and Stock, 2018.
Whyte WH. Is Anybody Listening? Fortune, September, 1950: 174.